This last week’s episode of Bones hit me in several ways. It stirred up feelings and experiences confined to a wheelchair. I also reflected on my sense of being abused over the years. It also brought up my frustrations when I was dealing with custody and other issues. The character, Jack Hodgins, was paralyzed from the waist down in an accident a few episodes ago. The victim in this episode was originally thought to have been abused as an adult. He also founded a group that was suppose to help men but turned into a hate group denigrating women.
The experience of being confined to a wheelchair can bring out many emotions. I felt depressed, and my self-esteem was extremely low. I felt like less of a person, less of a man. At times I didn’t want to do anything. Or more realistically, have things done for me. Laying on a mat and having someone else move your limbs to stretch them does not increase your self worth. Neither does playing checkers without being able to move your own pieces.
Depression became anger and frustration. But where do you go with that anger and frustration when most of the people around you are trying to help you get better. Jack Hodgins snapped at and insulted everyone around him. I didn’t feel like I could do that. Instead I turned it inside. I even felt guilty for having those feelings of anger. I became turned inward in every way with everyone. I went through this process numerous times when my condition improved then plateaued. Watching other patients get better and leave in less time then I did didn’t help either. These feelings wained as I continued to get better. Later they returned when I left the hospital and watched others climb stairs, run and just walk. Was I right holding it in or was Jack better for getting out even though he was causing pain to those he loved.
I was horrified at the way the men’s group on the TV show denigrated women and reject that they considered men as a minority. I do agree that men can be abused in a relationship and never say anything to anyone; men are suppose to be stronger. Men are also seen as the less important parent in many custody disputes. Even though there are a lot of dead beat dads, there are many men who want to be involved in their children’s lives.
Please stay on topic.